Note: I guess it has been quite a while since I posted anything. But can you really say that you’re surprised?? I can guarantee that I have had plenty of thoughts to write about but for some reason the timing just didn’t seem right. Or I thought it was sort of random or uncalled for. But, I also went on some wild adventures this past spring. I can’t say whether you’ll read about them on here, there is a small possibility, just don’t hold your breath.
I think on my most recent post I wrote about something that went along the lines of passive and active waiting. That could have also been an instagram post. We can’t know for sure though. I felt that I really wanted to write on this little bit so that I can better hold myself accountable and maybe bring something to light that a lot of us tend to do.
In this past season of waiting, where I found myself discontent in the waiting, I thought identifying the difference between passive and active waiting would push me into action. Which for a time it had, but then I got passive again. And I remained passive. As someone who despises writing goals, which is always highly encouraged in school at the beginning of every class, I find that is root to the reason why I do not like writing goals. I always felt that they were empty because it was something I made up. But, even at the end of the year, or unit, or semester, I had something to look back at and compare to where I was at the time when I finished that term. Whether it lined up with my goal in achieving it, or I didn’t achieve my goal, or achieved something else, I had some sort of progress to track and reflect on. Which came to my second most despised thing to do: reflections. I never thought of goal setting or reflections as something to bring into “real life” or I guess what you could call to be, life outside of school. However, as I found out, and am now writing about, is something that is just as important, if not more, outside of school.
The biggest mistake I feel that I could make in this coming season and something I feel that a lot people end up doing, I have been the worst at. Quite frequently, if not in every new coming season, I expect it to fix or fulfil something or ‘the thing’ that seemed to have fallen through in the season I came out of. As a saying goes “there’s a reason for the season.” Which is definitely used for Christmas, but it still applies here. And in believing this new season will fix or fulfil, we miss what the new season will bring by focussing on what the past season lacked. Which is where you could say goal setting and reflecting comes in handy. But I’ll come back to that later.
I can’t say that I have done enough healthy reflecting on past seasons. I have done my fair share of ‘what the heck was that all about and why was that all about what it was??‘ To look at where I started, what I went through and where I ended up is what I would call healthy reflecting. It is at least a lot better than just a semi bitter or confused ‘what and why??‘ Personally, I know that would be very helpful and useful for me to do and no matter the results of the passing season, it would be encouraging for the one to come. It would also discourage feelings of thinking the last season was just a ‘waste of time’ and that I could have done without it. BecAUSE, there’s a reason for the season. This would also be especially helpful since big changes seem to mark the beginning of something new. I want to go in knowing where I’m at so I can track the growth and in a way make sure that growth is happening in some sense. So I don’t go in with the expectation that sitting in a stream the current will take me somewhere.
What I want and need is to use the coming season, take in each experience and everything I am going to learn so that at the end I’m not just rafting down the river, but I have caught the wave.
So, as I stand coming out of what could have been a powerful season, which had points of growth and went through it sitting in the stream only coming out with wet pants, I have great expectation to come out of this season riding the wave.
“Marissa, what is this season you are entering?” you may ask. Well, I am currently sitting in my new room in Edmonton where I am attending Bible college. Something I said I would never do, even to the extent of mocking people who would take ‘missions’ in Bible college believing you can “just go.” But, here we are so lets just forget about that 🙂
I don’t believe I’ll come out on a wave because I am going to Bible college where growth is believed to naturally happen, but because I now know that expectation comes with action. And yes, there are seasons of waiting, like the one I just came out of, but as I wrote about passive and active waiting, I intend on taking action.
I have entered into what I am finding to be the most uncomfortable season I have yet come into. Where I taken great comfort in being the only Christian in many settings and taking my lifestyle of Christianity to co-workers and just everyday unbelievers which was almost a daily encounter. I felt actively on mission. Loving people around me to my greatest ability or capacity. And now, being surrounded by a community of Christians where we tell new and old Christian jokes and all ‘laugh’ at them. Throw them into just about every conversation because it’s just the regular, natural thing to do. Being asked in every other sentence if “we should pray about it.”
And this is my new normal.
I can’t say I am ready for this, but I know I’ll come out on the other end, riding the wave.
With much love and thanks,