A Journal Entry
May 8, 2017 17:44
I write this sitting on an airplane. Plane, something like #13, I don’t even know at this point. I’m happy to say that it doesn’t bother me anymore. To the point that I actually forget I’m flying. That I’m even going anywhere actually. Even as the turbulence shakes and rocks the plane I am at peace. However, there is always this moment, a short period of time before I fly when I know I am on some ‘advance’ in my life that I think I won’t make it to the destination. Like flying to Thailand, coming here, I didn’t think I would make it because it was all too real. I wouldn’t identify it as being doubt, but more of something along the lines that I am living my life and feel that I won’t make it to the next stage because I have never lived like this before. Even as I know that it is unlikely won’t make it. And would it ever be unfortunate if it happened in Thailand. But it’s time to lay those thoughts to rest as the rocking of the plane is making me feel somewhat uneasy.
I’m not so sure that this entry is anything of a reflection on my time as so much as it is of an excited one. Not sure what that means either. Anyways, I’ve had this analogy I’ve wanted to use for so long, but nothing ever related to it until today when I was back from the Noodle House back to the Price’s and Wylie’s. Here it is, and I’m taking full credit for this until I look into it later to see if it’s already been quoted by someone else. Actually I’m starting to think it’s a proverb from a Jewish or Chinese someone. Anyways!
Just because you walk with an umbrella over head when it’s raining, doesn’t mean your feet won’t get wet.
It honestly sounds too good to be an original thought from me. But it’s been brewing in my mind for 4 years now. So I’ll be expecting to find the quote attached to a date that looks something like 1733.
I look at this and relate it to my walk with God as I’m on this Kingdom ‘chase.’ I don’t know what to call it. But in the times when I feel like I am distant from God and when I feel like I just have worship music on just for background noise and not encountering His presence, that the ground I walk on doesn’t belong to God. That it is still under Satan’s control. (1 John 5:19) Which I feel that a lot of the time Christians forget that. We feel or think that because of this ‘super God time’ of our life that we are in we should be untouchable. That becuase we are wholeheartedly after God that we should be ever more in his presence. When we can look at Jesus and know for fact that is not the case. Jesus was tempted at 40 days of fasting through the desert. (Matthew 4:1-11) So Jesus being tempted at his strongest point should only prove that we aren’t exempt from this. That just because I followed God to Thailand that everyday I will feel his presence and just be after him, chasing him while I’m here that I don’t have to seek him. I don’t have to because this is where he led me so of course I will encounter him everyday. Right?
If anything I need to be pursuing him harder because being here I am vulnerable if I start slacking or start taking short cuts. Like I said before, putting on worship music because it’s a fast and easy way I can meet with God. When in reality I’m ‘too tired’ to honestly meet with him through prayer, or through reading my bible, or even just wholistically listening to the lyrics and the truth of the songs, that I want to carry on with my own agenda of Instagram and Facebook. I get ‘comfortable’ and use my excuse of ‘God brought me here so he is here,’ so I don’t have to put effort into pursuing him any further. This happens more than I want to admit. And then I wonder why I’m not encountering God on an Earth shaking level everyday or even once a week. Why I wonder why I’m restless during the night and can’t sleep. Whether it be dreams or because I’m being attacked in the night when I’m truly at my weakest point. But that’s not to say He isn’t working in me, changing me, protecting me or shaping me.
Sometimes I want to blame myself or fall into guilt because I get lazy or blame other circumstances or events that come up that take my focus off God. Sometimes, most of the time I am to blame, but I don’t let it consume me. Instead, I call myself out and get honest before God. I remember where I am, and how I get here.
The work never stops when you reach the destination. 2 Thessalonians 3:10 says “Those unwilling to work will not get to eat.” Life doesn’t get easier when you accept Christ into your heart and allow him to lead your life. He provides you with the umbrella but it’s your job to get a rain coat and rain boots to keep yourself from getting anymore wet than your clothes get. You may not get wet, but your jacket and boots will have water on them. It’s also for you to know that not only will an umbrella shield you from the rain, but you can use it when it’s hot outside. That it will cover you from the sun, from getting burnt. To discover just how to hold it when the winds rage and want to flip your umbrella inside out. Tear it from your hands. To know that even if it does get swept up, one is conveniently in every store you past. And they only come with a small price.
I’m coming into my final month in Thailand and I’m just putting on my rain coat. And finding a pair of rain boots that I really like and that fit really well. I’ve found the right grip on my umbrella for each gust of wind and know that it’s good for rain and sun.
My time here, 4 months in has only gotten harder. I have a life that I not only left in Canada, but now have another life I will be leaving here in Thailand. I’ve built strong relationships the past 4 months and this life I have been living is all I have known for the past 4 months. I can’t say that I am ready to go back to Canada. That I am really looking forward to going back, but I believe this last month God will be working in my heart and preparing me for home as he prepared me for my second home.
With much love and thanks,